is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
