worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
