put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
