dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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