Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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