i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i think my cat just said my name.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
