well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
what day is it and did you see me today?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
