Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
