he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
