I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
