I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
