Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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