Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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