One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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