I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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