dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
