Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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