i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
