i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
