There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The power of my boobs compel you
Text me some of your sweat
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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