So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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