i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
