I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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