Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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