apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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