I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
