We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
