What a fucking waste of an outfit
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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