Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
