There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
