you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
