yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
