I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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