No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
