can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
