I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
