I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
