walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
