sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I love having hate sex.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
