you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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