she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
