I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
