Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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