You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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