I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
