Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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