i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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