I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
