I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
