just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
All I want is dick and wine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
