Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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