The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
