Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
