I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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