it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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