I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
