Nicole vs. Life
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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