Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
