My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
