I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
